Dreaming in Chiaroscuro

I guess this is it. This is what happens when you give a woman, or perhaps any individual, a room of her own. That creativity unleashes and she starts dreaming worlds and singing new songs. I will tell you the story and sharing some pictures, too.

I have been dreaming of having a space of my own for a long time, but it has been difficult to prioritize when there are so many things that demand attention. A few weeks ago, while I was waiting for my mom to be seen at urgent care, a shed was being delivered to my home.

I saw it that night, but I spent the following days in the hospital with my mom. One afternoon, I caught a glimpse of the sunset reflected on the door and the moon rise behind it. The firs step of creating a space to contain so much of me had been created.

I found flooring at a very good price on Facebook Marketplace. It is still sitting in my garaje because I first need to insulate the shed and add walls. But today, after my sister picked up my mom. I brought a mat and three cushions there. I closed the door behind me, even as Lulu, my dog, cried wanting me to let her in. I laid down on the mat, touched the wood inside and started claiming the space. I told her I was there to connect and to infuse the space with my energy. I told her I was there so we could get to know one another. Then I sang a song. After a little bit, she showed me the beauty of its shadows, the generosity of the windows and I felt invited to explore and to play.

It was my first time spending time here and it was late already. There is no light here. I opted not to add electricity to avoid higher costs and needing to deal with permits. Once it is ready, I plan to have a solar battery for my computer, phone, and other small electronics that I may need. I have dreamt what this place is becoming for a long time. I can almost smell the scents of herbs and incense. I can almost feel the texture of books, the forms of drums, a sofa, and so much beauty. I want this to be a place of rest, healing, and creativity. I wonder what words, what poems will come to me here. I feel at ease and contained. I have become gratitude.

I am taking the space in and allowing the space to take me in. We give life to one another. There will be days of slowness in the future and days where voices will fill this walls. There will be days of rest and healing, of wisdom pouring in, seeping through the walls. We will become together. I have things to place in the space all over, they have been waiting for too long, or perhaps long enough. I am content and proud because I have a place to call my own and will hold my dreams and desires. The time has arrived. It is here.

I love natural light. I love inviting the light of the sun and moon to come in and take a seat next to me. I wanted these windows. I would have added more if I could have afforded it. But this is plenty. I can see the tree and be reminded where I am. There will be days where the sun will come in to caress me, when the windows will reflect the vibrancy of the sunset. At night, the moon will peek inside and bless the space. And the dark will cradle all these dreams and visions.

Here I will open myself to the vastness of the creative world. I will explore and play. I will hold countless dates with the muse and will be overtaken by its magic. Spirit will join me, too. There will be feasts and celebrations. There will be moonlight dances, singing, and prayers. There will be embodiment, too. I have waited for this space for so long.

On sleepless nights, I will come here to speak with the darkness and to hear the howling of coyotes, the flight of an owl passing by. The stars will bear witness to my being. And the Goddess will be a frequent visitor.

Friends, clients, and ancestors will share this space. It will be a space of encounter.

Herbs and plants will beautify the outdoor. The bugambilia is already growing by the side. There is already so much life all around. The land feels the aliveness in me, in this space. Everything was to grow. We are finding a new way of being together.

There will be days and nights of contemplation, of silent retreat. In such stillness, the Beloved by my side.

My mother moved us to a new place that had no floor, no windows, no bathroom or kitchen, but it had walls to give us some sense of safety. It had walls that we could start calling home.

So I know this is how it starts, this is just the beginning. One day, I will be documenting the changes and will know that the dream was always so much bigger. That my imagination was limited in capturing or envisioning what was coming. I will find myself in awe and wonder and the ways things took shape. And I will be overflowing with gratitude. And you, some of you, will be here celebrating with me. We will find ourselves to be a community of kinship. Companions, journeying with one another, taking pleasure in celebrating our milestones.

Our voices will rise together. We will laugh and we will know that we had found each other, that we have created community.

Today I dream in chiaroscuro. Like the negative of a long-awaited photo that wants to tell a story. But what comes next is in all colors. The vibrancy of a world with fields of flowers, with rainbows, sunsets, and dreams that have a life of their own.

May all that come into this space be blessed. I open my heart, mind, and self to Divine Love and Creativity.